Breakups could feel like the heart is literally being ripped out of the chest, how can one get over a terrible breakup?
Last Updated on November 5, 2018 by Marie
Breakups could be one of the toughest things to pass through, the intense pain felt in the heart like its being ripped out of the chest makes it seem unbelievable for that pain to stop. For some people it’s almost like the feeling of physically loosing and mourning someone dear.
One might even be tempted to start a never ending journey of self pity, lack of sufficiency and regrets. “When did things start going bad?” “Is there something I should have done differently?” “Will this pain ever go away?” “Can I ever love again?” “Will I ever be good enough for someone else?” “Is there any sincerity in love?” and it goes on and on, but the truth is, that road can never get you an inch away from your hurt, it’ll be like running a race on a tread mill. You keep dwelling on the hurt and over time you build a re-enforcement round the “hurt” which in turn becomes entrapped and too difficult to leave.
Things You Shouldn’t Do
The first thing to realize is that NOBODY is responsible for your happiness. There’s no one capable of genuinely making you happy. Happiness starts and comes from you; it could be very disappointing waking up every day hoping on someone to make you happy.
Another wrong step to take is hoping on a rebound to help you heal. For instance you might say, “Jacob gives me all the attention I need, there must be something I overlooked earlier, my breakup must be a sign, maybe I should hook up and see where this leads,” Honey, that route is a free fall down a bottomless pit. It’s like pouring water into a broken cup and expecting to drink a tangible amount from the broken cup. “Jacob” will only keep pouring and pouring so much into the relationship, probably giving it his best but trust me, his best will never be enough because you are expecting him to “pour” it in at the same rate and in same style that Henry did it. You want to just fill the vacuum as fast as possible because you are feeling it must be filled up by someone for you to be complete. This will only end up in frustration and more heartbreaks because this time the jagged edges of your brokenness will cut through your rebound and probably leave you more broken than before. Imagine a scenario where fast flowing water is continuously poured into a punctured cellophane bag not only will the water keep licking out, the hole keeps expanding and at some point, the bag will burst. That’s how it is when you refuse to heal from your hurt, before taking another shot.
Feeling pain is okay, holding on to the pain is where the problem lies, it’s like caging a bird and expecting it to fly away, how can it go away when it’s locked in?. The only thing you feel is resentment and just like a burning bush, you keep fueling the flames with hateful and negative speeches about your EX to anyone who you feel have some minutes to spare. Your thought is, reassuring yourself of your “self worth” by making him seem worthless would bring some form of closure. NO! It doesn’t work that way, because the moment you make your every topic of discussion about how terrible a person he is you are only making his flaws a burden for yourself.
You didn’t study law; don’t turn yourself to a judge. “They are all the same” For every one you come across you have already tried and convicted the person as the cause of your next heartbreak, a pregnant woman cannot retain her unborn child in her womb because of the fear of the pains at childbirth. You cannot experience peace or a healthy relationship if you keep bottling yourself up with your negative mindset.
It will definitely hurt, that’s inevitable but a seed thrown into the soil has to decay, do you want to be that seed that remains decayed and amounts to nothing or the one that decays and blossoms into a beautiful tree whose fruits will nourish others?
Here are some tips that could help you “sprout” faster than you ever imagined.
Relax: you need to take time off. You literally need to “press the pause button” on the voices within and around you. Allow yourself minutes of meditation daily, this helps you in experiencing and realizing everything you are feeling; you need to open a door to step out of the room, so lay bare all the feelings that are probably mumbled up in that “hurt” room and come to terms with them. Shed some tears if you have to it’s not a sign of weakness but that of cleansing, it actually helps in making the burden feel light.
Let it go: “He hurt me so bad,” “oh! I feel so betrayed,” “I hope he gets what he deserves.” You can’t attach a heavy load to yourself and expect an easy movement. Maintaining ones weight to be fit for a marathon is a lot of work, imagine running with that load bound to your leg? In a relationship two people come together to run a race it’s easier to win when help is being rendered by both parties in sharing the load (flaws) for a perfect finish. When your ex has probably moved on and left the race your grip on all his flaws is like carrying his own load but without any help from him. You’ll only find yourself crawling slowly behind.
Surround yourself by loved ones: That genuine look of affection, warm embrace or ears to listen to your rant, maybe all you need to assure you that you are still loved.
Read good books and listen to motivational speakers: this gives you the confirmation you need, to know that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE going through this.
Distract Yourself: this is probably the best time to go reclaim that trophy your friends gave you for being the best at bowling. Yes! It’s time to play, engage yourself in sports that you love. Whatever it is that makes you happy, this is the time to accomplish that.
Don’t put pressure on yourself: Time heals all things. Take your mind and eyes off anything that reminds you of your past relationship and allow time to do the rest.
Keep the Hope alive: You had an allergy after consuming walnuts, doesn’t mean that almonds won’t give you the desired nutrients you desire. Be positive.
We would love to hear from you, feel free to share your personal experiences on your recovery from a nasty breakup.
By Krystal Marie